My Mom Confessions Part 1 - The Baby Years

*This post is personal, and not intended to offend anyone, or spark any great "child care" debates.  Read at your own risk*

I always thought I'd be a great mom.  My mom always seemed to know what she was doing, and I hoped I could continue that family trend.  I was so wrong.  And since this blog is where I can just talk about whatever I like (and hopefully people are enjoying it so far!) I'm going to publish a list of the things that I've done during the baby years that may not have gone along with the current trends.

1. In the beginning I couldn't stand my baby.  My first baby.  The thing I had been waiting 9 months (and 2 years, I think, trying to conceive) for.  If she wasn't nursing, she was crying.  If she wasn't crying or nursing, she was sleeping - only for a short period, and only in someone's arms (usually mine as she fell asleep nursing).  Eventually the baby swing became my best friend, but it took a bit for me to figure this out.  Hand in hand with this was...
2. I co-slept with my first baby until she was almost one year old.  Or maybe past her first birthday, I don't really remember.  Funny how a year of barely sleeping muddles your memories...
3. I introduced baby #1 to rice cereal at 5 months.  It was just a day where I couldn't take the nursing every 10 minutes.  Thank god for random samples of everything that you get if you sign up for stuff when you have a baby.  If you're so hungry, eat this instead!  And guess what, she ate it and loved it!  I think this may have been a small turning point for me - meaning I finally realized things will get better.
4. Going back to work after maternity leave almost felt like a vacation for me.  Someone else is now watching my fussy kid (who, by this time was becoming quite cute and interesting and less of a time-consuming monster) and I get to go interact with other humans who actually speak and listen and have to be nice to me (at least some of the time).
5. Escaping the house was such a great relief to me that I would work myself into minor anxiety attacks at the end of every work day when I had to go get the baby from daycare.  Sometimes there would be tears before I pulled into the driveway to pick her up.  And then that would cause yet more mom guilt.  Vicious cycle.
6. I hated reading bedtime stories.  Bedtime is supposed to be this nice, relaxing, bonding time with your child, right?  WRONG!  We would read stories for an hour and she would still put up a fuss.  This is around age 2 or 3.  And of course toss a new baby into the mix and all bets are off.  Luckily baby #2 was a blessing - she slept on her own right from the beginning.  I thought she had died the first time she did it, as I had never experienced a newborn going to sleep.  I don't think I would have made it if she hadn't been a "good" baby from the beginning.
7. I liked baby #2 better from the get-go.  That's not saying I love one child over the other, I just enjoyed baby #2's baby stage much better than #1's.  Is that because I now "knew what I was doing?" and was less of an anxious first-time mom?  I'm sure that's a factor.

This is definitely not an exhaustive list.  Just some highlights that I think may be helpful, or interesting, to other moms (and dads!) who may be dealing with some of these things.  I know it's always helpful to me when I stumble upon other people who are coping with the things I'm going through, and hearing about their trials and tribulations usually makes me feel better about my own scenario.

Share in the comments, if you have any similar (or completely different) confessions or things you've done with or for your babies that may have gone against popular opinion.

And stay tuned as I plan to continue this "confessions" series into the now ages of my kids, and on.  Thanks for reading!

Toodles!

Ages and Stages - My Girls Keep Growing!

Last night after work I took the girls outside.  We grabbed a blanket and my Yoga book and we had a stretching session.  I'm amazed at the flexibility of my daughters.  I was also amazed that Rose was interested in trying this out.  Of course we had to eat Cheerios while we were yoga-ing, but they both took an interest and did some of the moves along with me.

My girls are quickly leaving the really little kid stuff behind.  They will happily tell me some shows are too "baby" for them (Emma more than Rose) and they both understand the philosophy of passing on your too small clothes, so they can graduate into more new (to them) clothes.  I don't really know when I noticed this stuff starting to happen, but it's in full flow now.

My favourite thing that is happening now is their ability to reason.  There are many less "tantrums" as they've started flexing their reasoning muscles.  We can (usually) calmly discuss sharing and taking turns, as well as if we watch movie A now we can watch movie B next time.  This doesn't always end well, but we're getting there.

Along with reasoning is the knowledge that 'it is time to sleep when I'm tired.'  Emma took a very long time to learn this skill.  Rose is further along at a younger age, and actually goes and lays down for a nap if she's tired in the afternoon.  We've gotten away from naps with her, but sometimes she'll just take one and not even tell anyone!

Last week my parents had the girls for 4 days at their place.  Usually getting them there entails tears and fits and all that (even though they always have a good time), but not this time.  Genuine excitement and full knowledge they were going to be there for a few days in a row.  My mom told me that before they were brought back home they both - separately - went to her and told her they would miss her and asked for snuggles.  How sweet, right?  Then they were super affectionate with me when they got back, which I totally missed while they were away.

The real excitement for me was also last night.  Emma watched her Murdoch Mysteries while I read Rose a story upstairs.  When it ended she went up to brush her teeth and I looked for another Murdoch.  The only one I found was the one she had just watched, so I put on Jeopardy! until she returned and gave me input on what she wanted to watch.  Well guess what?  She wanted to watch Jeopardy with me!!  I don't think I've really watched it since Emma was born.  And I could see her looking at (reading?) the words.  She thought it was great!  Let's hope she keeps her interest in it, so I can test my knowledge on any and all things another night soon.

Stay tuned for more random thoughts from me.  Toodles!

Old Friends Becoming Mom (or Parent) Friends

I am ridiculously excited. I have a coffee date tomorrow with a friend (who I love!) that I have not really spent any time with since before I had kids. My oldest child is now 6 so it's been a while. She has also had 2 girls in the intervening years so my pre-child friend is fast becoming an awesome mom friend.

This friend of mine has spent all of her time over the last few years completing a degree, often by correspondence, while having babies and toddlers and of that. She just recently finished up and I am so excited for her, not to mention in awe of the things she has accomplished during the very young child phase of her life.

Her daughters dance at the same studio as mine and now with this crazy rehearsal schedule we've been running into each other more. I was so glad she was as keen as I was to get together!   I've tried reconnecting with other old friends with much less success.

In case you can't tell I am very much looking forward to this coffee date. Partly because I'm going to indulge in some fancy (expensive) coffee and snack, and partly because I miss sitting with my friends and just talking.

I hope this is the beginning of my return to doing the things I used to do all the time before kids. Of course the things will be modified and changed to fit my current lifestyle, but so will be the people I hope to do these things with!


Toodles!

Making (And Keeping) Friends Through All Stages of Life

I find the act of having friends changes many times through life. Is anyone out there still friends with kids from Kindergarten?   I'd guess very few. I used to think I was not good at making friends, but I've since decided that's not the case. Sometimes the people you think you want to befriend are not the ones you should befriend.

It took me a long time to figure out who I actually wanted to be friends with in high school. Turns out who I thought I liked I didn't connect with. The problem turned out to be me. I didn't know who I was, so how could I know who to surround myself with? Once I embraced my quirks and individuality I found those people who liked me for me (and my quirks!)

Now that I'm a grownup and a mom, I feel friends are much different than when I was a kid.  I had a collection of highschool friends, then University friends, and now, while I still talk to some of those past friends, my friend requirements have changed again.  It's easy to be friends at school when you all have classes together, or live together, or share teams and other interests.  Once you are truly on your own some of those friendships are hard to keep alive.  For me, I moved into marriage and kids which left some of my friends behind.  They were on the same path, just lagging a bit further behind than me.  Also I moved apart from my friends - even thought we are still in the same town we are scattered around so we don't bump into each other without significant planning.

Once you throw kids into the mix, all bets are off.  I chose to breastfeed, which means being with your baby 24/7 for what feels like ever.  In reality it's like 4 months until baby can sleep for a long stretch or be more amused by other people, before mom (milk factory) can escape for a bit.  I think it's normal to lose some non-parent friends at this stage.  You're not in the same life phase, and oftentimes they just don't get what life is like with kids.  But you are also in a perfect place to make new-parent friends.  They can be found a playgroups, libraries, daycare centres etc.

Right now, in my life, I have very few friends that I see socially.  I'm 35, married, 2 kids ages 4 and 6, working 30+ hours per week and blogging.  There are a lot of people I think of as friends, but the categories they fall into are more co-worker, neighbour, and friends I talk to online but rarely see in person.  And then, of course, there's my husband who's my best friend, and the friend I spend all my time with. :)

I try to plan and coordinate events or things to do with my friends, but life is busy for everyone.  Now that my kids are finally out of toddlerhood and are happy with Dad or babysitter putting them to bed, I'm finding it easier to get out more.  This Friday night I'm going to a concert - but likely by myself as I haven't found that perfect music-loving friend that would enjoy it as much as me.

Not sure if there's a moral to my story, but I've always been interested in the social changes people go through in life.  Anyone out there have any other thoughts on making friends throughout life?  Or tips for maintaining friendships through the busy stages of life?  Please leave a comment if you read this all the way through (it's a long post for me!) and share your friend-making stories.  Hope you enjoyed!

Toodles!