Snow Day or My Day As A Stay Home Parent

This winter was slow getting started, but February seems to be making up for it.  We've had two snow days in two weeks.  One of those days I was lucky enough to get to be home with the girls all day.

Let's be frank here - I love going to work and being away from the kids.  I'm almost never home alone with them for 8+ hours (unless you count overnight, which doesn't actually count.)  Now that they're older, and play together pretty well, it's not quite the stress-zone it used to be when they were completely dependant on constant adult supervision and interaction.

I'm happy to say my "mom anxiety" has actually settled down a bit.  I feel as though the girls are learning how to be independent, and slightly more responsible (post about that here), and sometimes they even can get their own food - as long as it's cereal or granola bars.

I took some pictures during our "snow day" so I could share with you all the joys of being home with the kids all day long.  I chose to empty the dishwasher in the morning and when I returned to the living room they had emptied the toy box completely, and every stuffy they own (except for the 100 they each have in their rooms) was on the floor.

People wonder why I don't sit down and watch a movie with the girls.  This was a perfect example.  They put on a movie (after cleaning up 10,000 stuffies) and sat and watched it until it was about 3/4 of the way through.  Then they turned it off and went upstairs to play.  Like what?  Who watches 3/4 of a movie?  I mean it's not like they hadn't seen it before (it was Toy Story 2), but man.  Luckily I was trying to sit and read so it didn't really impact my life much.  And they did return to it maybe an hour later and watch the end.  I'm still amazed how quickly kids can be distracted, or get bored, by what they're doing.  Odd ducks, kids.

Lunch was fine - random stuff, you know.  Carrot sticks, cheese and crackers, bagels and cream cheese, eat what you feel like and then go play.

Afternoon play included craft time.  Which, for my kids, is just another excuse to make a huge mess.  And this was the time I decided to take a few minutes outside to check the build up of snow/ice/water that was falling from the sky.  I got soaked, they created chaos.  But then they cleaned up - without a fight.  I did hope Rose would practice her cutting skills - so she came upstairs while I was showering (after getting soaked outside) to tell me she made one cut in one piece of paper!  That's great Rose, but that won't improve your scissor skills.  Emma is the great crafter in our household.  Rose would rather just look at everything, make a huge mess, and then go find something else to do.  In this case it was have a freezie.

While I was in the shower (for 10 minutes, at the most) Rose came upstairs to talk to me.  "Look at what I have Mommy!" she says.  How does she know I'm right in the middle of washing my hair, with shampoo about to run into my eyes?  And she's not the most patient.  "LOOK MOM!"  So I peek out around the shower curtain.  Now I have to point out that I wear glasses.  I can barely see clearly past the end of my nose.  So I look out, see that a small figure is standing there holding something.  I say "Cool!  What'cha got there?" and she tells me "Emma got me a thing from the freezer!"  Huh?  "Oh, have you got a freezie?" I ask.  "No, there was none, so Emma said 'You can have a frozen yogurt tube, or you can have nothing.'"  That sounds like Emma.  So she was eating a frozen yogurt tube.  I have never had success getting her to try one.  She gobbled it down like it was candy (but not before managing to dribble some onto the couch - where they are not supposed to sit with food...)  Sisters, eh?

After crafts they asked for a 3D movie.  My first thought was that I didn't know what I needed to do to play a 3D movie.  We have the tv and the blu-ray player for it, but I was worried I'd need to actually do something.  Well worry not, the dohickeys all work together and it automatically works in 3D.  Yay!  The hardest part was finding where the 3D glasses were...

Of course the movie they picked for afternoon viewing was Toy Story 3.  This is my 'guaranteed to cry like crazy at the end' movie.  So didn't they wait until almost the end to ask me to sit with them and watch.  And since I spent a decent part of the day reading my book (in the same room as them but not really engaged) I had to do it.  And so I watched, and the tears came, and it was sweet like it always is.  Then I had to make dinner.

Despite the crazy weather Emma's dance class was still on.  Hubby got home at a good time, we ate dinner and off they went to dance class.  I was actually quite impressed with our day.  Almost all messes were cleaned up without much fuss, and no major meltdowns occurred.  I got some reading done, and a book review created.  Makes me feel like I could do this full-time parenting thing, once in a while.  The only thing the day was missing was a nap - for me!

My Disrupted 'Me Day'

Wednesdays are my day for me.  I'm (usually) home, husband and kid free, for most of the day.  I use this time to do laundry, sometimes tackle an organizing project or area of the house, do some other random cleaning (or baking!), and on a good day also throw in some exercise time.  Oh, and I have at least one show I watch recorded from earlier in the week that I catch up on on a Wednesday.

This has been my schedule for a while now.  When I'm home alone I feel like I can be so much more productive.  And now I schedule in blog stuff on Wednesdays as well.  I aim to create one post and do 2 hours of reading of books I've been asked to review.  Oh, and I try to sift through Twitter and FB feeds of other people (and blogs) I enjoy, as well as visiting my influencer-style websites I've joined.  My days are pretty full up now, I guess, after I see it all written out!

Anyway, this past Wednesday started out just fine.  I shovelled out the end of the driveway (with hubbys help) and then I came in and had ice cream for breakfast - with bananas so it wasn't a total fail! - while I watched my show.  After that I spent a few minutes online, browsing through Twitter and other blog-related pages, and half-assed watching another show on tv.  And then hubby came home.

It's not especially abnormal for him to come home occasionally during the day.  Sometimes he needs lunch, or he forgot something, or he just had a half hour to spare between jobs.  But this week he was HOME.  As in not going anywhere.  And it wasn't even lunch time!  I hadn't done anything (besides the hefty load of shovelling) but put some laundry in and watch some tv.  I thought I might go for a walk with the camera and see what snow-related beauty I could find. (Did I mention we'd had almost 50cms of snow the day before?)

So that disrupted my whole day.  I didn't know what to do.  Do I make him lunch, or go ahead and have that entire freezer pizza I'd planned to eat myself?  Should I pretend to look more busy than I was?  I don't think he knows how much stuff I do checking up on all my blog related sites and pages and influencer stuff.  It just looks like I'm wasting time on the net (which I'm sometimes doing too.)

And then he wants to talk to me.  I'm trying to be wife-y and sit near him while I'm reading my book and he's "working" on his computer - which I'll say looks to me like what I'm sure I look like to him when I'm trying to catch up on other people's blogs and stuff - but then he wants to talk.  Not saying I don't like talking to him, but I'm reading here!  And for reviews even, so can I just sit and read?

Then we get the call that Rose is not feeling well at school.  So we collect her and bring her home, but at least she then goes to bed and sleeps for an hour or more.  But now I feel my day is shot.  It's 2pm, I've only got one load of laundry through, we might as well meet Emma at the bus so we don't have to schlep over to daycare later to collect her, and I'm thinking about what time I should start dinner so it's ready to eat before we have to take miss Emma to dance class.

My saving grace was actually being the chauffeur parent, and taking Emma to her Wednesday night dance classes (for 2 hours!)  I managed to sit quietly with some other Moms also doing work and finish reading my book and create my review.  I even got a chapter into my next book!  My dance teacher and some of the ladies from the Monday night adult ballet class thought I should join them for the Wednesday adult ballet (which is a level above what I do on Mondays) but I'm not ready.  I do love to watch them though!

Moral of the story?  Don't put too much stock into alone time - it doesn't always work out like you hoped it would!  At least not when you're a parent.  I survived my day, and did feel accomplished at the end of it.  And it gave me fodder for a blog post - so win win!

Leave me a comment about your botched "me time" plans (or lack of plans), or just say hi so I know you read this to the end!  Thanks loyal readers.

~Jess

Primary Parenting or How Jobs Fall In Our House

My husband thinks, in our household, there's no such thing as a "primary parent."  I see what he's thinking but I'm convinced that's a natural thing, and no matter how you try there is always a primary parent.  I do think that the primary parent can change at any point - daily, seasonally, or even from morning to evening.

Of course I consider myself the "primary parent" most of the time.  Honestly this is just because I am at home the most.  I feel that parenting also encompasses household tasks.  We have pretty defined "pink" and "blue" jobs (please don't be offended, someone explained them to me this way I thought it was so fitting, if a little stereotypical) in our home.

My "pink" jobs are the laundry, the tidying up (after the kids mostly), and more than half of the meal prep.  His "blue" jobs are putting out the garbage, looking after the cars and the house, and mowing the lawn.  We both can, and do, perform all these tasks, but typically this is how they fall.

In my opinion my jobs are a bit more kid-centric while his are less so.  Doesn't make me a better parent then him - just makes me the one the kids ask for: food items, clothing locating, and any other "where is my..." question.  I'm happy to do those jobs, and sometimes be able to answer those questions.

His jobs allow the kids to "help" him - clean up the yard, tidy the basement (tools and stuff), and carry the recycling bins.  Still equally able to spend time with the kids doing these things, but less likely the kids will ask to take out the garbage, you know?

Dad, though, is also the one who takes them "shopping" the most.  I don't go "shopping" unless I have to.  Groceries are enough for me.  Hubby likes going out and happily lets the girls follow him through Canadian Tire or Home Depot looking at whatever they want.  And apparently he enjoys it and doesn't feel like it's "work" trying to keep track of the kids in a big store when they just stop without saying anything, or wander down aisles when you're busily trying to find either what you're looking for, or someone to help you find what you're looking for.  That's not fun for me.  The kids like to hide, and not listen to me.  This does not help me get my jobs done quickly and efficiently.

And in my home, when it comes to bedtimes I'm still the first choice.  That helps me feel like I'm the primary parent.  Occasionally Rose will ask for Daddy to put her to bed, and I love that!  But mostly the story reading is all me.  I'm secretly sad when I don't get to put them to bed.  But also elated that someone else (Dad or babysitter) can get the job done well in my absence.

I mostly like feeling like the primary parent, but sometimes I just need to hand over the reigns, you know?  I don't want to do it all (and I don't.)  When the kids are constantly asking for "MOM!" I almost lose it.  This is why I started taking ballet class once a week - gives me a break from bedtimes and other "primary parent" duties, and allows hubby a different connection with the girls.

How do the jobs fall in your house?  Do you feel you suffer from "primary parent" syndrome in your house as well?  I'm always interested to hear other's stories, so leave me a comment!

~Jess

Don't Sick Kids Break Your Heart?

Eldest daughter was sick on Canada Day.  Bummer, eh?  Weird thing - she was sick on Canada Day last year too.  That's not a trend I'd like to continue.

Her day started out ok, although she didn't eat much breakfast.  That's weird because she'll eat half her day's calories at breakfast most mornings.  By lunch time she was laying around - like too exhausted to keep her head up.  And she was flushed, all not a good sign.

I gave her some acetaminophen since she told me her throat hurt.  I think modern medicine is fabulous.  She perked back up, her fever settled a bit and we managed to move through some more of the day.

As you may know, we were having family over and there was fence building going on for our Canada Day celebrations.  We ladies took the kids downtown to an Art Festival/Sale which they were very keen to go to, but tired of in about 20 minutes.  Especially Eldest who was starting to flag again by this time.  I love wandering through these things, and we saw some people we knew - also fun.  But we quickened our pace as I was afraid we may be moving toward Eldest being "actually" sick.

Both kids fell asleep in the car on the way home.  Then they both went to bed for naps for the rest of the afternoon.  There is something so peaceful about sleeping children - especially when you know they aren't feeling well.  You can just picture their little cells all at war inside their little bodies while they sleep.  But after 2 hours of nap I knew they needed to get up.  It was after 5pm by this time.

Younger daughter got up with just a bit of protest - Eldest needed to be removed from our bed and carried downstairs.  She was not feeling well at all.  I gave her more acetaminophen but even that didn't perk her up.  Then I suggested a bath.  Well, after 5 minutes in the tub she yells out at me (because her ears were under water), "I guess all I needed was a bath!  I feel better!!"  So she relaxed in there for 20 minutes and then came back downstairs all pepped back up.

It's so nice to see them perk up after all the lethargy of being sick.  Both the girls stayed up well past their bedtimes, but went to bed alright when I finally got them there.  And they slept in somewhat the next morning.

Eldest was not in a good way the following morning again.  She stayed home with Dad while I had to go to work.  I took Youngest to Day Care then returned to get my stuff in order to go to work.  Eldest was very sad I could not stay home with her.  I know most of it was the fever talking, but it broke my heart when she let loose with the tears.

However, when I returned home in the evening (after a few messages back and forth with Dad during the day) I found Eldest sitting at the end of the driveway just waiting for me to get home.  She seemed to be doing pretty good, and told me she wasn't sick at all!  But she also needed a giant hug because she hadn't seen me all day.  Boy kids sometimes can be super cute!

There's nothing quite like the Mom Guilt of leaving a kid sick at home, even though you know full well whomever is there (Dad, Grandma, Auntie) will take extra special care of them while you can't be there.  Looks like I had nothing to worry about in this case.  After some morning quiet time (tv and couch resting) she was fine.  They went out to do some stuff, then I guess she rested a bit more in the afternoon but then was up and peppy and we haven't looked back since.

In my view, it was a long 2 days, but now things are on the up and up.  I'd better get Eldest to bed before much longer.  She should still have the chance to get some extra rest if she needs it.  And I'm feeling like I could use some extra rest myself!

Toodles!

Making (And Keeping) Friends Through All Stages of Life

I find the act of having friends changes many times through life. Is anyone out there still friends with kids from Kindergarten?   I'd guess very few. I used to think I was not good at making friends, but I've since decided that's not the case. Sometimes the people you think you want to befriend are not the ones you should befriend.

It took me a long time to figure out who I actually wanted to be friends with in high school. Turns out who I thought I liked I didn't connect with. The problem turned out to be me. I didn't know who I was, so how could I know who to surround myself with? Once I embraced my quirks and individuality I found those people who liked me for me (and my quirks!)

Now that I'm a grownup and a mom, I feel friends are much different than when I was a kid.  I had a collection of highschool friends, then University friends, and now, while I still talk to some of those past friends, my friend requirements have changed again.  It's easy to be friends at school when you all have classes together, or live together, or share teams and other interests.  Once you are truly on your own some of those friendships are hard to keep alive.  For me, I moved into marriage and kids which left some of my friends behind.  They were on the same path, just lagging a bit further behind than me.  Also I moved apart from my friends - even thought we are still in the same town we are scattered around so we don't bump into each other without significant planning.

Once you throw kids into the mix, all bets are off.  I chose to breastfeed, which means being with your baby 24/7 for what feels like ever.  In reality it's like 4 months until baby can sleep for a long stretch or be more amused by other people, before mom (milk factory) can escape for a bit.  I think it's normal to lose some non-parent friends at this stage.  You're not in the same life phase, and oftentimes they just don't get what life is like with kids.  But you are also in a perfect place to make new-parent friends.  They can be found a playgroups, libraries, daycare centres etc.

Right now, in my life, I have very few friends that I see socially.  I'm 35, married, 2 kids ages 4 and 6, working 30+ hours per week and blogging.  There are a lot of people I think of as friends, but the categories they fall into are more co-worker, neighbour, and friends I talk to online but rarely see in person.  And then, of course, there's my husband who's my best friend, and the friend I spend all my time with. :)

I try to plan and coordinate events or things to do with my friends, but life is busy for everyone.  Now that my kids are finally out of toddlerhood and are happy with Dad or babysitter putting them to bed, I'm finding it easier to get out more.  This Friday night I'm going to a concert - but likely by myself as I haven't found that perfect music-loving friend that would enjoy it as much as me.

Not sure if there's a moral to my story, but I've always been interested in the social changes people go through in life.  Anyone out there have any other thoughts on making friends throughout life?  Or tips for maintaining friendships through the busy stages of life?  Please leave a comment if you read this all the way through (it's a long post for me!) and share your friend-making stories.  Hope you enjoyed!

Toodles!

Working Mom Stress

I am currently quite content with my work life/home life balance.  I work 4 days a week with my day off being Wednesday, which breaks up the week quite nicely.  I use my day off for fun things like laundry, groceries, vacuumming, general tidying and sometimes (only sometimes mind you) a haircut or waxing appointment. The kids are at school and daycare, but I usually collect them early so we can get homework done and have some time together.  It's been working out very nicely.

Now one of the girls at work has given her notice and we will be short staffed on Wednesdays.  Logical that I would jump back into the Wednesday shifts I worked a year or more ago.  But I don't want to - and I have a boss who asks your opinion (usually) before big changes are made, which is great, but saying I don't want to work Wednesdays does not mean I will not get scheduled on Wednesdays.  I've already given a list of days I'm unavailable, based on appointments and plans made earlier under the assumption that I wouldn't be working those days - and that actually turned out to be almost half the Wednesdays of the summer.  I do hope boss-man does think about hiring someone part-time.  I'm feeling serious anxiety about the whole thing.

To top it off, eldest daughter is enrolled in a modelling/acting/talent course at an agency, and when she completes that (at the end of July) they will be marketing her for jobs in that arena.  That means there's the potential for auditions and such in Toronto or other areas that we would have to plan around with short notice.  Also not looking good for short-staff problems at my workplace.  I did inform boss-man of this as well, in hopes of enticing him to think seriously about hiring other help.

Toodles!

One of Those Days

Some days I just can't handle my mom life.  Everything irks me: the kids are too loud, the dishes are piled up just for me, everyone's shoes are in the middle of the floor and I can't escape even for 2 minutes.  On these days sometimes I just want to go "home"...until I realize I am home and the "home" I'm thinking of I gave up 15 years ago to move forward into adulthood.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom life.  These little people who just want to sit with (or on) me all the time just because they love me are fabulous and a continuous sense of wonder and joy in my life.  But once in a while I like some "me" time.  Even when I have time at home without the girls I rarely take time just for me.  I'll go get groceries and do dishes and laundry, sweep the floors, and clean up the toys that I keep stepping on, before everyone gets home to eat the food, dirty the dishes and create more mess and laundry.  It's a vicious cycle.

Now that I'm blogging (which I am enjoying immensely by the way) I've taken away a few more of those quiet minutes I try to sneak during the day.  But the writing actually allows me to unburden myself of some of those feelings that get pent up when you are frustrated with your kids or family.  I really don't want to yell at the kids, or be upset with my hubby, when I don't know why I'm frustrated in the first place.  So by taking time out to write about it I can feel my feelings and describe what went on (if I really want to) and work through it.  For me it's quite therapeutic.

In case you haven't picked up on it, it's been one of 'those' weekends.  Hubby was away all day yesterday so I had to deal with every need/want/crisis etc that cropped up.  Thankfully it was an alright day, but when the neighbour kids congregate in our yard I feel like I have to "mom" them too, and so I truck out snacks and drinks and whatever else they may need as well as tending to my own offspring.  I love that the kids like to play in our yard, and it keeps it easy for me to watch over them (without helicoptering) but sometimes I feel overwhelmed.  Sometimes when I'm alone after the kids go to bed I just sit and have a little cry, and I don't really even know why, but it releases some of the tension I was feeling during the day.

I don't think it's too much to ask to be able to drink my tea while it's hot, or surf the internet for 5 minutes without someone climbing into my lap and demanding to "play games!" or even read a book for more than 2 minutes at a time (and subsequently reading the same two pages over and over.)  But I guess such is the life of a mom!

Toodles!