Three Thoughts I Had At The Dentist Today

Today I had a cleaning at the dentist.  I like going to the dentist.  Sure sometimes they poke and scrape a bit more than I'd like, but running my tongue over my super clean teeth is pleasure I greatly enjoy.

As a mom I really look forward to my visits to the dentist chair.  While I was there today I came up with 3 thoughts most moms likely have while reclining in the comfort of the dentists chair:

1. Nothing - if you're a Mom (or a Dad) sometimes a few minutes where no one needs your attention is like a vacation.  Going to the dentist is definitely not a vacation, but if you can close your eyes, tune into the elevator music playing throughout the place, and block out the fact that someone has their arms in your mouth practically up to their elbows, you can almost pretend you're relaxing in a beach chair
2. When's (fill in child's name here)'s next appointment?  Mom-thinking never turns off.  I was lying in the chair today thinking about my kids next appointment, and then mapping out the day's plan for that day (next month, as it turns out!)  I'm so excited to meet them at school, and rush them down to the dentist while manoeuvring around school buses and 10,000 parents also picking their kids up from school.  Always fun.
3. Why do hygienists ask so many questions?  And they're never "yes" or "no" - they usually require a sentence of response.  So you fixate on the question and miss the second half of the story they're telling you and why the question was important, while waiting for the extraction of hands from your mouth so you can speak.  Conversation is hard in the dentist chair.  But you also relish the time to chat with another adult about anything!

Are there other things that run through a reclining parents mind when the kids aren't fighting nearby, or talking to you non-stop?  I'm sure there are.  If I missed any funny ones please add them in the comments!

Now that my teeth are squeaky clean I think it's time to start staining them up again with a nice cup of tea.  Oh ya, and no cavities!!

Until next time!
~Jess

New Years Musings From A Modern Mom

When I was younger (and not yet a Mom) my New Years Resolutions were pretty simple, or so I thought.  I'd consider "try to lose weight/be more active"; "read more books" and "keep my home neat and tidy" to be good, attainable ideas.  They were - or should have been.

For the first 2 weeks I could keep track of calories, and set aside time to read and clean.  Soon after that I lost interest.  As I feel everyone (or mostly everyone) does as the new year crawls forward.

Now that I'm a mom, and I've succeeded (very slowly) in losing some weight and increasing my activity level on a daily basis, my ideas for resolutions have changed.


This year I'd like to resolve to be a more involved parent.  I want to be active with my kids, not just for myself.  I want to eat healthier, and cook more, for all of my family to reap the benefits.  I can still try to "read more books," but now that has to include time with the girlies sitting with me and reading together.  And quite frankly "keep my home neat and tidy" has never worked for me, so it's not about to start now.  But this year I can resolve to teach the girls how to be more tidy and clean up when they're done.  They do that sometimes now, but not consistently.

I know the new year is an excellent time to start new things, or to renew those things that got lost over the year or in the holiday hubbub.  I think this past year has been a very successful one for me.  I started doing a few more things for myself that I had let go by the wayside after I had kids.  Being able to get out one night a week, I think, is making a big difference in my mindset - and my activity level, since it's a dance class!  I truthfully don't feel there is anything I need to add or change in my lifestyle right now.  I'm maintaining my weight loss, the girls are happy and healthy, and besides trivial things like "try to eat less take-out" or "magically find a ton of money on the sidewalk" I think we're doing pretty well here.

I want to wish all my readers (and "fans" if I have any of those!) a happy and prosperous new year.  Thank you for your interest in my blog over the past months - I hope to keep to posting fun and interesting things for you all to read.  I am always open to subject ideas as well - just comment any ideas or topics and I'll do my best to craft up something interesting!

What resolutions did you (or will you) make this year?  Have your resolution ideas changed over the years, or after having kids?  Share with me in the comments.

When Parents Get Sick - An Introspective

Having sick kids is tough.  Being a sick parent can be much tougher.  (Is tougher a word?  I'm not sold on it.)

Our house had about 4 days of sick daughters.  Fever, lethargy, vomit, the whole bit.  Then they got better!  Yay!  The plague has moved on!  As the primary parent (and all I mean by that is the one who is routinely at home more often and therefore able to do more household chores and all that) I took it upon myself to wash all the sheets, all the barf buckets and whatever else I thought might keep us from re-developing this particular plague.

Fast-forward a few days to my busy Christmas Party weekend.  Hubby's party and my work party routinely fall on the same weekend - luckily we do Sundays and they do Saturdays.  Usually it works out pretty well.

This year, not so much.  We had lunch on Saturday with the family after the newest cousin's baptism but I didn't feel my sandwiches sitting quite right.  Regardless I went ahead and ate, and then got ready later in the day and hubby and I went out to his party.

It was a good time - roast beef buffet, wine, and good company.  Until my dinner and drinks did not like their accommodations.  It was so bad I threw up twice at the venue.  Went home, threw up a few more times and then slept.

Sunday morning I had to get up with the girls (at 6:30, of course.)  This is all routine with us - I thought I was alright after a night's sleep.  I stayed up for half an hour and that was all I could manage.  I ate 2 tiny pieces of fruit and I had to go lay down.  That was pretty much the last time I saw the girls until Monday morning, in those precious few moments before school.

I couldn't get myself together well enough to do anything that Sunday.  Every time I tried to do anything, or if I managed to eat a few crumbs of something, I had to go lay down.  For at least an hour at a stretch.  I was so glad the girls were out for the day.  I even had to skip out on my work Christmas party.  That really bummed me out.

Hubby collected the girls from their Nanny day while I was upstairs sleeping off another smidgen of food I thought I should eat.  I didn't see them, they didn't ask to see me, and when I awoke he had just finished getting them down so I didn't dare peek at them yet.  Cue the mom guilt!

Overall I missed 3 nights in a row with my children and, rather than it feeling like an escape, it was a huge guilt burden for me.  Of course the kids have no idea - I tried to tell them I was sorry for not being there for 3 bedtimes and they just looked at me like I was weird for apologizing.  That didn't stop me from having a tear or two in my sentimental mom moment the girls didn't know I was having.

Being sick sucks - did I say that already?  Luckily when I felt better I saw that hubby and the girls did a good job of looking after each other.  Sure, there were dishes in the sink, and the laundry wasn't magically done or anything like that, but overall the house was still standing and all the advents hadn't been opened, and even Elf on the Shelf had managed to find a new resting place each day.

What happens in your house when one or (god forbid!) both parents are under the weather?  Do routines have to change?  Do the kids leave you alone to rest up?  Share your experiences in the comments below!

5 Things We've Learned About Night Terrors

My older daughter experienced Night Terrors.  We had no idea what was going on with her, and it was scary for us!  I thought I'd share a few things we learned while dealing with Emma and her Night Terrors.

1. They are distinctly different from Nightmares.  Emma would sit up quickly, exclaim loudly (sometimes screaming or crying) and be completely unresponsive.  She would then just lay down and be asleep.  It's really freaky, especially when it happens the first time!
2. Having a child be completely unresponsive, especially at night, is a heart-stopper for anxious moms! (or Dads or other caregivers.)  I don't know how many times I went in to see her knowing she was having these Terrors and I felt so completely helpless.  I would hug this stiff-as-a-board little girl while she cried or carried on, or sometimes just gestured wildly, and would just get absolutely no response.  Eventually she would relax and just be completely asleep.  It was mind-boggling for me.  I did finally manage to acknowledge there was nothing I could do, but while it didn't really make me feel better, it did allow me to go back to sleep myself after tucking her back in.
3. Being over-tired made them worse.  If Emma had a really drawn-out bedtime (which she always had, so I mean an extra-long 'drawn out for at least an hour' bedtime) there was a greater chance she'd wake with a Terror.  Same deal if the day was really busy or she didn't nap (which she never did for me anyway...)
4. They will almost always happen just after you fall asleep.  Most of the literature about Night Terrors suggests they happen 2 to 3 hours after the kid falls asleep.  For most households that's likely the time parents are getting into bed and falling asleep themselves.  Of course.
5. Kids grow out of them.  Our daughter didn't really start with them until after our second was born.  Correlation?  No idea.  Emma would have been approaching 3 and a half.  Most things I've read suggest kids between 4 and 12 can have them.  Emma is now 7 and hasn't had one in a long while (maybe even a year.)

Strangely Rose, our second born, has never had a Night Terror - although Murphy's Law dictates it will happen now that I've said that.  Rose has also always been a good sleeper who had no problem taking naps and going to bed when tired.  I suspect that could be part of the reason.  She also had no problem sleeping through Emma's carrying on back when she was afflicted with these Night Terrors.

We didn't actually have Emma checked out and diagnosed with Night Terrors, but Dr Google and Dr Mom agreed that that was definitely what was going on with her some nights.  She didn't remember any of the episodes she had, so much so that she would argue with me at the breakfast table that she never woke up once (which I guess she technically never did!)

If you think you're experiencing Night Terrors with your little one, take heart!  They will pass, and they aren't dangerous (unless your child is prone to falling out of bed, which did happen at least once here!)  They're scary, but more for the parents than the child.  Read up on them online like I did and maybe understanding what they are will give you some measure of reassurance.

Please share your experiences in the comments, and if there's any other helpful tidbits I didn't touch on, share those too!  But remember, nothing can replace the advice of a physician when diagnosing anything anywhere ever.

Making Time To Blog Is Hard - I Need Help!

When do you blog?  I was going great gangbusters when I started this blog (in the spring and early summer) but now that we're back to school and other life is happening I don't feel like I have time!

Currently I've spent a lot of time increasing my Twitter followers (and following) and trying to share my FB page with more folks.  I've been checking my affiliate sites, reading other blogs, and also trying to have a home life.  All that seems to have eaten into my blogging time.

Also we just had Thanksgiving, so that ate up an entire (long) weekend.  Don't get me wrong, it was a delicious, beautiful, family-type weekend, but it didn't leave me much quiet time.

I know scheduling is key when trying to build up a blog.  The problem I'm having is one part writers block and one part hoping to have time to me - and just to me, not blogging, gardening, cooking, laundry doing, working etc.  Those moments are hard to find.

My schedule currently involves working 4 eight-hour days, with one day off for me to get stuff done.  This week I have appointments on my day off, and I need to get stuff together for my daughter's Halloween party next weekend, as well as my foray into a live Rocky Horror Picture Show performance - think costumes, hair, props, the works!  And I'd like to get groceries and do laundry - regular mom stuff.

So then there's evenings after work.  I get home (at 5:30 or 6:30 depending on the shift) and either make, or just eat, dinner.  Try to get Emma to do homework before Rose has to go to bed (at 7:00) and then get Emma to bed by 8.  All that is often accomplished by 8:30 and then it's "my time."  So I clean up dinner, do dishwasher stuff, start or switch laundry, and sweep the dinner mess off the floor, if I didn't get that done before bedtime starts.  Some nights I also clean up toys and then, if I'm lucky, I sit down.  Hubby will have the tv on but I'm only good for maybe an hour before I fall asleep on the couch.

I try, often, to blog while the tv is on.  Some nights it works, some nights it really does not.  Depends on what's on, or how tired I am.  I'm one of those people that needs 8 hours of sleep almost every night to be functional the next day.  Yes, the newborn and baby years were hell-on-earth for me.  Luckily my sleeps are much less disturbed these days, so I can pull a few later nights if I have to.  But when I'm tired I can't form coherent thoughts, let alone interesting blog posts!

Tonight I've been crafting this post while the girls eat dinner - I've had an upset tummy all day, so no loss to me if I'm not eating with them - and now they're watching some tv and looking through the costume bin and Halloween decorations.  By the time I'm done here I figure I will have been "writing" for 45 minutes.  And really, what have I written about?  Mostly nothing.  No deep thoughts or well-researched articles.  Just fluff about how I don't have time to post anything!

So share with me your schedules, or routines.  How do you blog (and promote!), as well as do affiliate stuff and keep up with other blogs - and be moms or dads, husbands or wives, or any other functioning members of society?  Maybe with the cooler weather creeping in I may have less desire to be outside, or be doing anything else, frankly.

Really I'm just desperately curious to hear how fellow bloggers manage it all.  I really thought I'd just be writing stuff, I did not realize so much came with blogging (if you want people to actually read your stuff!)

It's Nice To Be Wanted, Right? RIGHT??

So my kids love me.  Of this I have no doubt.  None.  And they love my husband as well.  Absolutely.  But somehow I am needed to do everything, all the time.

Why?  I have no idea.  Maybe it's the two X chromosomes.  Maybe it was the acting of birthing out these children.  Maybe it's just my dumb luck.  But when the girls need help with something (anything) it's "MOM!  I need you!"

Hair brushing, bath washing, teeth brushing, clothes choosing (or just helping to put on), food getting, drink filling, swing pushing, walk taking, driving to events, and especially bedtime facilitating - all seem to need Mom.  Dad will do if Mom is not around (or is busy, or put her foot down) but he is never really the first choice.

Sometimes I think the kids are jealous of my book, computer, quiet time, dishes doing, laundry folding (and putting away), or whatever else I'm trying to do at any point during the day.  But that can't be it since they let Dad be on his computer, cut the lawn, cook on the BBQ, or whatever he's trying to do at any point in his day.

Can anyone explain this?  I'm open to any theories.  If I am not at home I hear they rarely ask about me, or refuse to do things since I'm not there.  A big change from a year or two (or maybe three or four) ago when I was needed even when I was not at home (thank goodness for this change!)  But if I'm home and I dare to suggest that Dad could put whomever to bed there is usually a sizeable resistance.  Again I'll say it's much better now, but they still want me.  Most of the time.

People keep telling me I'll miss it when the girls are older and they don't need me.  Right now I don't believe that.  I know they'll grow out of bedtime stories, and needing help with their clothes, and all that stuff; but at this point I'm kind of excited for the day I don't have to drag them out of bed, ask them 100 times what they'd like for breakfast, and then get it for them, then rush them through eating and getting dressed so we can get out of the house on time.

Life with little kids is always an interesting adventure.  No two days are the same, and no one will eat the same food twice.  But there is one constant - needing Mom.  I love that they need me.  I enjoy the mom-kid time.  But sometimes it's just too much.  I'm so glad I have a loving husband along on this journey who's ready and able to wrangle the kids when I've really just had too much.

Is It A Vacation, or a "Family Vacation"?

The family went to a cottage for a week's vacation.  Vacation happened, we relaxed by the water, did some swimming and camp-fire-ing, visiting with nature and all that.  However the royal "we" also:

• Packed up shop at home for about 3 days (which includes numerous loads of laundry, and trips to the grocery store etc.) then jammed it all into the back of the truck
• Made the beds, swept the floor, stocked the fridge, organized the luggage, and so on AT the cottage when we arrived
• Cooked, cleaned, washed the dishes (by hand!), made the beds (some days), swept our messes up, and washed some clothes by hand in the sink
• Had an eye on the kids at all times - are they on the dock?  do they have lifejackets on? did they have breakfast? is it bedtime? is the fire going? are they close to it? and so on...

I was happy to go back to work after returning home and washing yet more loads of laundry and trying to put the house back together after we took all the important stuff away with us.  That trip was definitely a "family vacation."

Later this week hubby and I are taking some time for ourselves and going to Toronto for a few days.  My parents are having the girls stay with them for those same few days (plus an extra 2 overnights, before and after).  So far for this trip I have:

• Packed luggage for the girls, as well as accessory bags with toys and food they'll actually eat
• Done yet more laundry for everyone to have clean clothes while away
• and tried to not buy much groceries for the time between these two trips so I don't have to throw out food when we get back!

I can't wait to stay in a hotel for a few nights, and eat some meals out and about that I don't even have to think about until I get where I'm eating (and that I don't have to clean up after!!).  I also can't wait to not have to put the kids to bed for a few nights, and to stay up late(r) without knowing someone will be up at 6:20 to get me up.  Sadly I know I will be awake before 7am most days anyway, as I'm now biologically programmed that way.

We have a few things planned (a baseball game, visits with friends, and a trip to Canada's Wonderland) but overall we're just going to be with each other and do what strikes our fancy.  What I do know is this is a much better chance for me to relax, than when we're at a waterfront with two young kids and no maid service! ;)

Toodles!

How Can You Gauge Your Kids?

Don't you wish kids came with gauges?  I'm talking about dials or thermometers that show you their moods and basic needs.  You know, hunger, sleepiness, happiness and all that jazz.

Just when you think you've got your kid(s) figured out, they suddenly change all their habits - am I right?  The picky eater who has recently become a bit more adventurous suddenly regresses, the full of energy girl suddenly needs a nap or an earlier bedtime because she's "so TIRED!", and the kid that is always entertained by the screen can't find anything to watch.

Sometimes there just no winning with kids.  I've had many days where I've missed the "actual" hungry time, and no eats anything for dinner (but then wakes up at 5am because their tummy is growling); and the fun days where you miss the ideal bedtime by about 15 minutes and, because of that, it's now an hour long bedtime, AND the kid won't stay in their room.  I'm sure we've all had those days.

I would love a little cheat like a dial or gauge that has a nice green window for when your kid is perfectly hungry (and will eat most anything), and adequately tired (without being suddenly unreasonable about everything - I mean really, how hard is it to put on a pair of pajamas?!), and a mood indicator wouldn't be too bad either: happy. sad, grumpy, and totally unapproachable!

I sometimes think communication is key, but my oldest totally shuts down when her world is not going how she thinks it should be.  And I mean she refuses to speak.  About anything.  To anyone.  Especially if she thinks she's going to get in trouble.  I know I perhaps enable this behaviour by just asking more questions (sometimes more loudly as I lose what was left of my temper) instead of finding an alternate way to approach the scenario.  This is, again, where the gauges would come in handy!  I am amazed, sometimes, at my ability to not actually throttle my children when they resort to this non-speaking state.  Often I have to leave the room and take 3 breaths so I can re-approach with a clear head and (hopefully!) get to the bottom of whatever we're trying to do/fix/talk about.

Kids are confusing - do any of you readers have tips on keeping things on an even keel at home?  I find now that the girls are older it's not nearly the same as the toddler timeframe, but nothing is a straightforward as it should be.  Please, share your comments!

Toodles!

Old Friends Becoming Mom (or Parent) Friends

I am ridiculously excited. I have a coffee date tomorrow with a friend (who I love!) that I have not really spent any time with since before I had kids. My oldest child is now 6 so it's been a while. She has also had 2 girls in the intervening years so my pre-child friend is fast becoming an awesome mom friend.

This friend of mine has spent all of her time over the last few years completing a degree, often by correspondence, while having babies and toddlers and of that. She just recently finished up and I am so excited for her, not to mention in awe of the things she has accomplished during the very young child phase of her life.

Her daughters dance at the same studio as mine and now with this crazy rehearsal schedule we've been running into each other more. I was so glad she was as keen as I was to get together!   I've tried reconnecting with other old friends with much less success.

In case you can't tell I am very much looking forward to this coffee date. Partly because I'm going to indulge in some fancy (expensive) coffee and snack, and partly because I miss sitting with my friends and just talking.

I hope this is the beginning of my return to doing the things I used to do all the time before kids. Of course the things will be modified and changed to fit my current lifestyle, but so will be the people I hope to do these things with!


Toodles!

Making (And Keeping) Friends Through All Stages of Life

I find the act of having friends changes many times through life. Is anyone out there still friends with kids from Kindergarten?   I'd guess very few. I used to think I was not good at making friends, but I've since decided that's not the case. Sometimes the people you think you want to befriend are not the ones you should befriend.

It took me a long time to figure out who I actually wanted to be friends with in high school. Turns out who I thought I liked I didn't connect with. The problem turned out to be me. I didn't know who I was, so how could I know who to surround myself with? Once I embraced my quirks and individuality I found those people who liked me for me (and my quirks!)

Now that I'm a grownup and a mom, I feel friends are much different than when I was a kid.  I had a collection of highschool friends, then University friends, and now, while I still talk to some of those past friends, my friend requirements have changed again.  It's easy to be friends at school when you all have classes together, or live together, or share teams and other interests.  Once you are truly on your own some of those friendships are hard to keep alive.  For me, I moved into marriage and kids which left some of my friends behind.  They were on the same path, just lagging a bit further behind than me.  Also I moved apart from my friends - even thought we are still in the same town we are scattered around so we don't bump into each other without significant planning.

Once you throw kids into the mix, all bets are off.  I chose to breastfeed, which means being with your baby 24/7 for what feels like ever.  In reality it's like 4 months until baby can sleep for a long stretch or be more amused by other people, before mom (milk factory) can escape for a bit.  I think it's normal to lose some non-parent friends at this stage.  You're not in the same life phase, and oftentimes they just don't get what life is like with kids.  But you are also in a perfect place to make new-parent friends.  They can be found a playgroups, libraries, daycare centres etc.

Right now, in my life, I have very few friends that I see socially.  I'm 35, married, 2 kids ages 4 and 6, working 30+ hours per week and blogging.  There are a lot of people I think of as friends, but the categories they fall into are more co-worker, neighbour, and friends I talk to online but rarely see in person.  And then, of course, there's my husband who's my best friend, and the friend I spend all my time with. :)

I try to plan and coordinate events or things to do with my friends, but life is busy for everyone.  Now that my kids are finally out of toddlerhood and are happy with Dad or babysitter putting them to bed, I'm finding it easier to get out more.  This Friday night I'm going to a concert - but likely by myself as I haven't found that perfect music-loving friend that would enjoy it as much as me.

Not sure if there's a moral to my story, but I've always been interested in the social changes people go through in life.  Anyone out there have any other thoughts on making friends throughout life?  Or tips for maintaining friendships through the busy stages of life?  Please leave a comment if you read this all the way through (it's a long post for me!) and share your friend-making stories.  Hope you enjoyed!

Toodles!

Is "Mom" a Style?

I like to think I'm not totally un-fashionable.  However sometimes I know that's not true.  I think Mom Fashion should totally be a style.  You know, the jeans, t-shirt and ponytail look?  Or maybe leggings and longer shirt that may or may not go with the pants.  I embrace my random looks.  One day I can put on a dress and actually do something with my hair and I can look great.  But the next day I can't even find 2 socks that match, so I just don't care.  On those days I wear whatever pants are in the heap and aren't really dirty - or at least that's my aim but I'd be lying if I said there weren't days I got to work only realize I did spill or smear something on these pants.  Such is the life of a mom.

Parents with kids: what's your style?  Do you feel like you have a style?  Or is just aiming for clean, almost coordinated clothes style enough?

I see lots of moms in my travels around who look fabulous.  I often wonder how they have time to do their hair and keep it looking nice when my kids are always wanting to "brush" or "style" my hair, so however it started is not the way it looks right now.  Or where they got that outfit that totally goes with everything, everywhere, all the time; and if it cost them more than I make in a week.  Conversely I see lots of moms who tried maybe as hard as me, or maybe less, with their "look" for the day.  It's a funny thing.

I feel a bit like dads have it easier.  They wear one hairstyle (generally) and most of their tops match any of their pants.  Their choices for the day are running shoes or sandals, and long sleeves or short?  I know lots of men out there put a lot of time and effort into their appearance, just not a lot of the ones I know personally.  I'm not saying the men I know don't like nice - quite the opposite.  I'm just saying I bet they didn't agonize over their choices when they got dressed in the morning.  Some days I can pick out about 5 outfits and none work for how I'm feeling that day - this is not helped by my weight loss and subsequent lack of clothes that fit nicely.  I'm slowly remedying this, but it's a long (potentially expensive) process.

So to go back to my original point: I am lobbying for Mom to be a style which encompasses everyone who literally throws something on because their kids are yelling that they have nothing to wear/eat/pack for lunch etc. in the mornings.  It's not a sloppy style, unless that's really what you're going for.  It's just a relaxed look that says "I have better things to do with my life than worry about my outfits every day."

Toodles!