It's Nice To Be Wanted, Right? RIGHT??

So my kids love me.  Of this I have no doubt.  None.  And they love my husband as well.  Absolutely.  But somehow I am needed to do everything, all the time.

Why?  I have no idea.  Maybe it's the two X chromosomes.  Maybe it was the acting of birthing out these children.  Maybe it's just my dumb luck.  But when the girls need help with something (anything) it's "MOM!  I need you!"

Hair brushing, bath washing, teeth brushing, clothes choosing (or just helping to put on), food getting, drink filling, swing pushing, walk taking, driving to events, and especially bedtime facilitating - all seem to need Mom.  Dad will do if Mom is not around (or is busy, or put her foot down) but he is never really the first choice.

Sometimes I think the kids are jealous of my book, computer, quiet time, dishes doing, laundry folding (and putting away), or whatever else I'm trying to do at any point during the day.  But that can't be it since they let Dad be on his computer, cut the lawn, cook on the BBQ, or whatever he's trying to do at any point in his day.

Can anyone explain this?  I'm open to any theories.  If I am not at home I hear they rarely ask about me, or refuse to do things since I'm not there.  A big change from a year or two (or maybe three or four) ago when I was needed even when I was not at home (thank goodness for this change!)  But if I'm home and I dare to suggest that Dad could put whomever to bed there is usually a sizeable resistance.  Again I'll say it's much better now, but they still want me.  Most of the time.

People keep telling me I'll miss it when the girls are older and they don't need me.  Right now I don't believe that.  I know they'll grow out of bedtime stories, and needing help with their clothes, and all that stuff; but at this point I'm kind of excited for the day I don't have to drag them out of bed, ask them 100 times what they'd like for breakfast, and then get it for them, then rush them through eating and getting dressed so we can get out of the house on time.

Life with little kids is always an interesting adventure.  No two days are the same, and no one will eat the same food twice.  But there is one constant - needing Mom.  I love that they need me.  I enjoy the mom-kid time.  But sometimes it's just too much.  I'm so glad I have a loving husband along on this journey who's ready and able to wrangle the kids when I've really just had too much.

Old Friends Becoming Mom (or Parent) Friends

I am ridiculously excited. I have a coffee date tomorrow with a friend (who I love!) that I have not really spent any time with since before I had kids. My oldest child is now 6 so it's been a while. She has also had 2 girls in the intervening years so my pre-child friend is fast becoming an awesome mom friend.

This friend of mine has spent all of her time over the last few years completing a degree, often by correspondence, while having babies and toddlers and of that. She just recently finished up and I am so excited for her, not to mention in awe of the things she has accomplished during the very young child phase of her life.

Her daughters dance at the same studio as mine and now with this crazy rehearsal schedule we've been running into each other more. I was so glad she was as keen as I was to get together!   I've tried reconnecting with other old friends with much less success.

In case you can't tell I am very much looking forward to this coffee date. Partly because I'm going to indulge in some fancy (expensive) coffee and snack, and partly because I miss sitting with my friends and just talking.

I hope this is the beginning of my return to doing the things I used to do all the time before kids. Of course the things will be modified and changed to fit my current lifestyle, but so will be the people I hope to do these things with!


Toodles!

Making (And Keeping) Friends Through All Stages of Life

I find the act of having friends changes many times through life. Is anyone out there still friends with kids from Kindergarten?   I'd guess very few. I used to think I was not good at making friends, but I've since decided that's not the case. Sometimes the people you think you want to befriend are not the ones you should befriend.

It took me a long time to figure out who I actually wanted to be friends with in high school. Turns out who I thought I liked I didn't connect with. The problem turned out to be me. I didn't know who I was, so how could I know who to surround myself with? Once I embraced my quirks and individuality I found those people who liked me for me (and my quirks!)

Now that I'm a grownup and a mom, I feel friends are much different than when I was a kid.  I had a collection of highschool friends, then University friends, and now, while I still talk to some of those past friends, my friend requirements have changed again.  It's easy to be friends at school when you all have classes together, or live together, or share teams and other interests.  Once you are truly on your own some of those friendships are hard to keep alive.  For me, I moved into marriage and kids which left some of my friends behind.  They were on the same path, just lagging a bit further behind than me.  Also I moved apart from my friends - even thought we are still in the same town we are scattered around so we don't bump into each other without significant planning.

Once you throw kids into the mix, all bets are off.  I chose to breastfeed, which means being with your baby 24/7 for what feels like ever.  In reality it's like 4 months until baby can sleep for a long stretch or be more amused by other people, before mom (milk factory) can escape for a bit.  I think it's normal to lose some non-parent friends at this stage.  You're not in the same life phase, and oftentimes they just don't get what life is like with kids.  But you are also in a perfect place to make new-parent friends.  They can be found a playgroups, libraries, daycare centres etc.

Right now, in my life, I have very few friends that I see socially.  I'm 35, married, 2 kids ages 4 and 6, working 30+ hours per week and blogging.  There are a lot of people I think of as friends, but the categories they fall into are more co-worker, neighbour, and friends I talk to online but rarely see in person.  And then, of course, there's my husband who's my best friend, and the friend I spend all my time with. :)

I try to plan and coordinate events or things to do with my friends, but life is busy for everyone.  Now that my kids are finally out of toddlerhood and are happy with Dad or babysitter putting them to bed, I'm finding it easier to get out more.  This Friday night I'm going to a concert - but likely by myself as I haven't found that perfect music-loving friend that would enjoy it as much as me.

Not sure if there's a moral to my story, but I've always been interested in the social changes people go through in life.  Anyone out there have any other thoughts on making friends throughout life?  Or tips for maintaining friendships through the busy stages of life?  Please leave a comment if you read this all the way through (it's a long post for me!) and share your friend-making stories.  Hope you enjoyed!

Toodles!

One of Those Days

Some days I just can't handle my mom life.  Everything irks me: the kids are too loud, the dishes are piled up just for me, everyone's shoes are in the middle of the floor and I can't escape even for 2 minutes.  On these days sometimes I just want to go "home"...until I realize I am home and the "home" I'm thinking of I gave up 15 years ago to move forward into adulthood.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom life.  These little people who just want to sit with (or on) me all the time just because they love me are fabulous and a continuous sense of wonder and joy in my life.  But once in a while I like some "me" time.  Even when I have time at home without the girls I rarely take time just for me.  I'll go get groceries and do dishes and laundry, sweep the floors, and clean up the toys that I keep stepping on, before everyone gets home to eat the food, dirty the dishes and create more mess and laundry.  It's a vicious cycle.

Now that I'm blogging (which I am enjoying immensely by the way) I've taken away a few more of those quiet minutes I try to sneak during the day.  But the writing actually allows me to unburden myself of some of those feelings that get pent up when you are frustrated with your kids or family.  I really don't want to yell at the kids, or be upset with my hubby, when I don't know why I'm frustrated in the first place.  So by taking time out to write about it I can feel my feelings and describe what went on (if I really want to) and work through it.  For me it's quite therapeutic.

In case you haven't picked up on it, it's been one of 'those' weekends.  Hubby was away all day yesterday so I had to deal with every need/want/crisis etc that cropped up.  Thankfully it was an alright day, but when the neighbour kids congregate in our yard I feel like I have to "mom" them too, and so I truck out snacks and drinks and whatever else they may need as well as tending to my own offspring.  I love that the kids like to play in our yard, and it keeps it easy for me to watch over them (without helicoptering) but sometimes I feel overwhelmed.  Sometimes when I'm alone after the kids go to bed I just sit and have a little cry, and I don't really even know why, but it releases some of the tension I was feeling during the day.

I don't think it's too much to ask to be able to drink my tea while it's hot, or surf the internet for 5 minutes without someone climbing into my lap and demanding to "play games!" or even read a book for more than 2 minutes at a time (and subsequently reading the same two pages over and over.)  But I guess such is the life of a mom!

Toodles!