Kids And Responsibility - We Must Have Done Something Right

I never imagined, in my wildest dreams, how "good" my kids would turn out to be.  In the beginning I (almost) thought we had made a mistake choosing to birth out our first tiny creature that consumed every minute of our existence for the first 6 months of her life.  The non-stop crying and nursing (and sleepless nights, and mom tears) I now see were totally worth it.

My first baby is now 7 years old.  We have had tons of struggles with her in the intervening years, but I am now starting to see her blossoming into her own person with her own personality.  Not to say she hasn't had personality since she's been born (because she definitely has!) but she has begun to display more independent and responsible traits.

Since my first baby we did create and birth out a second creature, but she's only 4 and is still a bit stuck on her toddler traits (like how she never leaves me alone and is always in my lap!)  This creature number 2 was not nearly as demanding as number 1 - or not until the last 2 years or so.  Now the two seem to get along very well (most of the time) and apparently are "so good" when they're out with anyone else.  Frankly, that's the highest praise you can give a parent - if my kids are going to misbehave, I'd much rather they do it with me!

Anyway, back to the 7 year old.  She has now taken on the responsibility of looking after the 4 year old.  I don't mean that in any "child labour laws" way, just that if we are out and creature 2 suggests she has to go to the bathroom, number 1 immediately suggests she'll take her.  Sure!  I do go and check on them after a few minutes if they seem to be dawdling, but usually they go and come back, and sometimes they've even washed their hands!

Creature one also takes direction very well.  She listens when I tell her the "rules" of a new place or scenario (and promptly tells when creature two is not following those rules), looks after her sister when they need to cross the road (or are in a parking lot), and has really learned to help re-direct a game when bossy little sis is mad about the way they're playing.

I'm not saying that my little miss #2 doesn't listen to rules and such, she's just very young yet and doesn't necessarily understand the importance of having these rules.

Every day I'm feeling more confident in creature one's level of responsibility.  She can can be bull-headed and easily distracted, and when she digs in her heels, watch out!  But overall I'm glad she's the first born.  I'm sure my second born will be more responsible and independent over the coming years, but she's also more easily scared, and more emotional than my first.  I think that's where creature two's clingyness stems from - she's a lover, but can also be a fighter.

Raising kids is such a roller coaster.  Every day is different, and sometimes it's hard to enjoy every minute of it.  I don't think I will ever lose my "mom anxiety" but I'm happy to report it does lessen as the years go by.  My next hefty mom anxiety time will be with dating and driving and all those other teenage year joys.

~Jess

My Mom Confessions Part 1 - The Baby Years

*This post is personal, and not intended to offend anyone, or spark any great "child care" debates.  Read at your own risk*

I always thought I'd be a great mom.  My mom always seemed to know what she was doing, and I hoped I could continue that family trend.  I was so wrong.  And since this blog is where I can just talk about whatever I like (and hopefully people are enjoying it so far!) I'm going to publish a list of the things that I've done during the baby years that may not have gone along with the current trends.

1. In the beginning I couldn't stand my baby.  My first baby.  The thing I had been waiting 9 months (and 2 years, I think, trying to conceive) for.  If she wasn't nursing, she was crying.  If she wasn't crying or nursing, she was sleeping - only for a short period, and only in someone's arms (usually mine as she fell asleep nursing).  Eventually the baby swing became my best friend, but it took a bit for me to figure this out.  Hand in hand with this was...
2. I co-slept with my first baby until she was almost one year old.  Or maybe past her first birthday, I don't really remember.  Funny how a year of barely sleeping muddles your memories...
3. I introduced baby #1 to rice cereal at 5 months.  It was just a day where I couldn't take the nursing every 10 minutes.  Thank god for random samples of everything that you get if you sign up for stuff when you have a baby.  If you're so hungry, eat this instead!  And guess what, she ate it and loved it!  I think this may have been a small turning point for me - meaning I finally realized things will get better.
4. Going back to work after maternity leave almost felt like a vacation for me.  Someone else is now watching my fussy kid (who, by this time was becoming quite cute and interesting and less of a time-consuming monster) and I get to go interact with other humans who actually speak and listen and have to be nice to me (at least some of the time).
5. Escaping the house was such a great relief to me that I would work myself into minor anxiety attacks at the end of every work day when I had to go get the baby from daycare.  Sometimes there would be tears before I pulled into the driveway to pick her up.  And then that would cause yet more mom guilt.  Vicious cycle.
6. I hated reading bedtime stories.  Bedtime is supposed to be this nice, relaxing, bonding time with your child, right?  WRONG!  We would read stories for an hour and she would still put up a fuss.  This is around age 2 or 3.  And of course toss a new baby into the mix and all bets are off.  Luckily baby #2 was a blessing - she slept on her own right from the beginning.  I thought she had died the first time she did it, as I had never experienced a newborn going to sleep.  I don't think I would have made it if she hadn't been a "good" baby from the beginning.
7. I liked baby #2 better from the get-go.  That's not saying I love one child over the other, I just enjoyed baby #2's baby stage much better than #1's.  Is that because I now "knew what I was doing?" and was less of an anxious first-time mom?  I'm sure that's a factor.

This is definitely not an exhaustive list.  Just some highlights that I think may be helpful, or interesting, to other moms (and dads!) who may be dealing with some of these things.  I know it's always helpful to me when I stumble upon other people who are coping with the things I'm going through, and hearing about their trials and tribulations usually makes me feel better about my own scenario.

Share in the comments, if you have any similar (or completely different) confessions or things you've done with or for your babies that may have gone against popular opinion.

And stay tuned as I plan to continue this "confessions" series into the now ages of my kids, and on.  Thanks for reading!

Toodles!

Working Mom Stress

I am currently quite content with my work life/home life balance.  I work 4 days a week with my day off being Wednesday, which breaks up the week quite nicely.  I use my day off for fun things like laundry, groceries, vacuumming, general tidying and sometimes (only sometimes mind you) a haircut or waxing appointment. The kids are at school and daycare, but I usually collect them early so we can get homework done and have some time together.  It's been working out very nicely.

Now one of the girls at work has given her notice and we will be short staffed on Wednesdays.  Logical that I would jump back into the Wednesday shifts I worked a year or more ago.  But I don't want to - and I have a boss who asks your opinion (usually) before big changes are made, which is great, but saying I don't want to work Wednesdays does not mean I will not get scheduled on Wednesdays.  I've already given a list of days I'm unavailable, based on appointments and plans made earlier under the assumption that I wouldn't be working those days - and that actually turned out to be almost half the Wednesdays of the summer.  I do hope boss-man does think about hiring someone part-time.  I'm feeling serious anxiety about the whole thing.

To top it off, eldest daughter is enrolled in a modelling/acting/talent course at an agency, and when she completes that (at the end of July) they will be marketing her for jobs in that arena.  That means there's the potential for auditions and such in Toronto or other areas that we would have to plan around with short notice.  Also not looking good for short-staff problems at my workplace.  I did inform boss-man of this as well, in hopes of enticing him to think seriously about hiring other help.

Toodles!