Some days I just can't handle my mom life. Everything irks me: the kids are too loud, the dishes are piled up just for me, everyone's shoes are in the middle of the floor and I can't escape even for 2 minutes. On these days sometimes I just want to go "home"...until I realize I am home and the "home" I'm thinking of I gave up 15 years ago to move forward into adulthood.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mom life. These little people who just want to sit with (or on) me all the time just because they love me are fabulous and a continuous sense of wonder and joy in my life. But once in a while I like some "me" time. Even when I have time at home without the girls I rarely take time just for me. I'll go get groceries and do dishes and laundry, sweep the floors, and clean up the toys that I keep stepping on, before everyone gets home to eat the food, dirty the dishes and create more mess and laundry. It's a vicious cycle.
Now that I'm blogging (which I am enjoying immensely by the way) I've taken away a few more of those quiet minutes I try to sneak during the day. But the writing actually allows me to unburden myself of some of those feelings that get pent up when you are frustrated with your kids or family. I really don't want to yell at the kids, or be upset with my hubby, when I don't know why I'm frustrated in the first place. So by taking time out to write about it I can feel my feelings and describe what went on (if I really want to) and work through it. For me it's quite therapeutic.
In case you haven't picked up on it, it's been one of 'those' weekends. Hubby was away all day yesterday so I had to deal with every need/want/crisis etc that cropped up. Thankfully it was an alright day, but when the neighbour kids congregate in our yard I feel like I have to "mom" them too, and so I truck out snacks and drinks and whatever else they may need as well as tending to my own offspring. I love that the kids like to play in our yard, and it keeps it easy for me to watch over them (without helicoptering) but sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes when I'm alone after the kids go to bed I just sit and have a little cry, and I don't really even know why, but it releases some of the tension I was feeling during the day.
I don't think it's too much to ask to be able to drink my tea while it's hot, or surf the internet for 5 minutes without someone climbing into my lap and demanding to "play games!" or even read a book for more than 2 minutes at a time (and subsequently reading the same two pages over and over.) But I guess such is the life of a mom!